Siesta Summer Bible Study On Ruth

What season am I in right now?
I feel like I am in my winter season of life. I am severly depressed. I feel dark and sadness all around me. I am so confused. I dont have a clear head to do anything. I am getting one disaster after another. I cant handle anymore. I keep trying to have hope but the joy from the hope is not coming. My sister had a car accident. This is serious. I dont know if she will live or not. I am getting hope from the baby steps she is making to get better. One setback will probally put me into a deeper emotional wreck. She does not deserve to be paralyzed if she lives. I am tired of pain and crying. I pray to God but I guess the healing will come with time.

What is my goal for this Bible Study?
My goal is to get out of this rut and have joy in my life again. To live threw this disaster. To learn from my losses for the last few months and be at peace within myself. To have increased faith and joy in the Lord. To love him more and see his miracle work on my sister.

Distraction

I am not sure what I am going to post here. I just thought I would try blogging and see if I like it. I am not even sure what to do. Today has been a total distraction day. I can't seem to keep my mind on one thing at a time. I keep going from one thing to the next. I have been goofy and weird all day. I am tired but I cannot fall asleep. All I am wanting to do is write in my journal. I just can't focus enough to do it. I am so desperatly wanting to change my attitudes and life. I guess I just want to work on it and make the changes that are needed. Changes are hard and slow. I am getting very bored being at home all the time. Yet I am afraid to go out and meet people again. I don't want to go threw another experience of someone chasing me just because they are obesessed with me. This really effected me. I am afraid to even get close to men again. I would rather stay at home then to experience this again. I do miss being around people. I think when I find a job and I have money to spend I will start going out again. I am trying to break out of the barrel but it is hard. One day I go full force. The next day I want to hide. I am hoping this roller coaster will soon be over. I want to feel like myself again.